So I read another bloggers post today

It was by Single Dad Laughing - Dan Pearce and it was about him moving in with his current love, and how he had been married twice before and rushed into it because of being Mormon and no sex before marriage. It was quite enlightening to me and you know I read this post and thought, wow I never really thought about that before but it is so true, you do rush into things and think you love someone when sometimes it is just the hormones and that really made me look closely at previous relationships. There are lots of other reasons for rushing things, most recently for me well actually a year ago now I was overweight, solo parent with a 3.5 yr old son who has never known a father figure, I was sad and feeling dejected and thought the one thing missing in our lives was a dad for my son. I felt lot's of pressure on myself to provide this, but between raising him and working full time I didn't have any time to socialise and was just so exhausted all the time. A friend I had not seen for 3 years set me up with her cousin, he was 7 years older than I (nearly 40) and had been married 3 times, he had 3 sons to two different woman who he only saw sometimes on school holidays (ringing bells here). He had been living with his father and working night shifts for the past couple of years since his 3rd marriage failed to thrive (ringing bells......). When we met we just talked and talked that first day, then after that it was all on we talked and texted constantly and he started coming up to see me, we jumped into a physical relationship really quickly within 2 weeks, and then because he was travelling so far to see me and worked nightshifts we decided within 2 months of knowing eachother to move in together into a larger house (that would accommodate his sons when they came for school holidays). Let's just say once we moved in together I realised I had made a huge mistake, I felt sick to my stomach. I was wrong, my mum and friends were right but I didn't want to admit it and admit I had failed again and made another big wrong decision. We didn't really know eachother, I hated the house, location, neighbours were loud and I barely saw him as I was getting up to get my son and myself ready for work/preschool and he was just getting home from work. I still did all the cooking, dishes, washing chores but now it was double the load, I was finding it really stressful. Financially because he had been living with his dad, he didnt really know how to contribute properly and I was paying 80% of everything (rent, food, utilities), in the end I just snapped and asked him to leave at a really bad time of his life when his father had just passed away. He had been gone for 1 week for the funeral etc and I just realised that my son and I were much happier without him, and I know it was appalling timing and I felt and feel awful about it still. We had officially only been together 4 months but it felt like 4 years and we really just hated eachother in the end. It was really messy and the repercussions mean't I lost the house we were renting due to the expense on my own, had to move in with a parent for 3 months to save up again and my son was so much more confused than ever but in hindsight, I rushed into it because I was aching to provide my son with a male role model, a dad to play fight with and play video games and kick a ball with, someone to share the load financially and physically around the house. I was looking for my happy ever after (Hello, this only really does happen in movies). That was nearly a year ago now and I am happily a single parent to a 4.5 yr old son and we are so much happier and content as I have realised I am better raising my child alone right now, and it was not really a change for the better being with this guy or any guy. So the saying goes along the lines of Sometimes it is better to be alone than to be with just anybody. Oh and definately go with you gut instinct, mine has been way more reliable than my heart or head most of the time. (oh yeah also this is my first post for over a year....some things have changed but yes I will try and write once a day or realistically at least once a week now)